Roald+Dahl



Born: September 13, 1916 Died: November 23, 1990

Roald Dahl was born in Llandaff, Cardiff, Wales to his parents, Harald Dahl and Sofie Magdalene Dahl. Both of his parents had originally been from Norway. When Roald Dahl was three years old, his sister and father died just weeks apart. Dahl began to go to school at The Cathedral School, Llandaff but after getting into trouble he was sent to boarding school at eighth years old. He was always homesick and hated being at the school, he wrote to his mother every week, but never once mentioned his misery. He later wrote about his experience in his autobiography __Boy: Tales of Childhood__. During his school years, Dahl had never been seen as a talented writer and his English teachers found his writing to be rather poor. In August of 1939, Dahl was recruited for WWII and was made an officer in the King's Africa Rifles. However, in November of the same year, Dahl joined the Royal Air Force and in August of 1940 he was promoted to Leading Aircraftman. By the end of the war Dahl had gone from being Leading Aircraftman to Wing Commander and qualified for flying ace. In 1953 Dahl married Patricia Neal, an American actress in New York City. They had five children, their oldest child, Olivia, died from measles encephalitis at seven. The middle child, Theo suffered from hydrocephalus after being hit by a taxi in a stroller. Patricia suffered three burst cerebral aneurysms when she was pregnant with her last child, Lucy. Dahl divorced Patricia in 1983 after being married to her for thirty years and in that same year he remarried Felicity Crosland. Roald Dahl sadly passed away on November 23, 1990 due to a blood disease. He was buried in the cemetery at St. Peter and St. Paul's Church in Great Missenden, Buckinghamshire.

Dahl's first published work was call "A Peice of Cake" and was published on August 1, 1942. It was the story about his plane crash during World War II, but the title of his work was changed to "Shot Down OVer Libya" to sound more dramatic. His first chrildren's book was published in 1943 and was called __The Gremlins__. Some other well known childrens novels he had written included __Charlie and the Chocolate Factory__, __Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator__, __Matlida__, __James and The Giant Peach__, and many more. Dahl also wrote over 60 short stories for adults that were published in magazines such as "The New Yorker," "Ladies Home Journal," "Playboy," and others. In addition, Roald Dahl wrote scripts for movies such as "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang," "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory," and more. As for poetry, Dahl wrote three collections of children's poetry: __Revolting Rhymes__, published June 10, 1982, __Dirty Beasts__, published October 25, 1984, and __Rhyme Stew__ published on September 21, 1989. In addition, Roald Dahl wrote two adult novels, several scripts for television shows, plays, and many non-fiction books, most of which were autobiographies.

 = Cinderella = You don't. The real one's much more gory. The phoney one, the one you know, Was cooked up years and years ago, And made to sound all soft and sappy just to keep the children happy. Mind you, they got the first bit right, The bit where, in the dead of night, The Ugly Sisters, jewels and all, Departed for the Palace Ball, While darling little Cinderella Was locked up in a slimy cellar, Where rats who wanted things to eat, Began to nibble at her feet.
 * I guess you think you know this story.

She bellowed 'Help!' and 'Let me out! The Magic Fairy heard her shout. Appearing in a blaze of light, She said: 'My dear, are you all right?' 'All right?' cried Cindy .'Can't you see 'I feel as rotten as can be!' She beat her fist against the wall, And shouted, 'Get me to the Ball! 'There is a Disco at the Palace! 'The rest have gone and I am jealous! 'I want a dress! I want a coach! 'And earrings and a diamond brooch! 'And silver slippers, two of those! 'And lovely nylon panty hose! 'Done up like that I'll guarantee 'The handsome Prince will fall for me!' The Fairy said, 'Hang on a tick.' She gave her wand a mighty flick And quickly, in no time at all, Cindy was at the Palace Ball!

It made the Ugly Sisters wince To see her dancing with the Prince. She held him very tight and pressed herself against his manly chest. The Prince himself was turned to pulp, All he could do was gasp and gulp. Then midnight struck. She shouted,'Heck! I've got to run to save my neck!' The Prince cried, 'No! Alas! Alack!' He grabbed her dress to hold her back. As Cindy shouted, 'Let me go!' The dress was ripped from head to toe.

She ran out in her underwear, And lost one slipper on the stair. The Prince was on it like a dart, He pressed it to his pounding heart, 'The girl this slipper fits,' he cried, 'Tomorrow morn shall be my bride! I'll visit every house in town 'Until I've tracked the maiden down!' Then rather carelessly, I fear, He placed it on a crate of beer.

At once, one of the Ugly Sisters, (The one whose face was blotched with blisters) Sneaked up and grabbed the dainty shoe, And quickly flushed it down the loo. Then in its place she calmly put The slipper from her own left foot. Ah ha, you see, the plot grows thicker, And Cindy's luck starts looking sicker.

Next day, the Prince went charging down To knock on all the doors in town. In every house, the tension grew. Who was the owner of the shoe? The shoe was long and very wide. (A normal foot got lost inside.) Also it smelled a wee bit icky. (The owner's feet were hot and sticky.) Thousands of eager people came To try it on, but all in vain. Now came the Ugly Sisters' go. One tried it on. The Prince screamed, 'No!' But she screamed, 'Yes! It fits! Whoopee! 'So now you've got to marry me!' The Prince went white from ear to ear. He muttered, 'Let me out of here.' 'Oh no you don't! You made a vow! 'There's no way you can back out now!' 'Off with her head!'The Prince roared back. They chopped it off with one big whack. This pleased the Prince. He smiled and said, 'She's prettier without her head.' Then up came Sister Number Two, Who yelled, 'Now I will try the shoe!' 'Try this instead!' the Prince yelled back. He swung his trusty sword and smack Her head went crashing to the ground. It bounced a bit and rolled around. In the kitchen, peeling spuds, Cinderella heard the thuds Of bouncing heads upon the floor, And poked her own head round the door. 'What's all the racket? 'Cindy cried. 'Mind your own bizz,' the Prince replied. Poor Cindy's heart was torn to shreds. My Prince! she thought. He chops off heads! How could I marry anyone Who does that sort of thing for fun?

The Prince cried, 'Who's this dirty slut? 'Off with her nut! Off with her nut!' Just then, all in a blaze of light, The Magic Fairy hove in sight, Her Magic Wand went swoosh and swish! 'Cindy! 'she cried, 'come make a wish! 'Wish anything and have no doubt 'That I will make it come about!' Cindy answered, 'Oh kind Fairy, 'This time I shall be more wary. 'No more Princes, no more money. 'I have had my taste of honey. I'm wishing for a decent man. 'They're hard to find. D'you think you can?' Within a minute, Cinderella Was married to a lovely feller, A simple jam maker by trade, Who sold good home-made marmalade. Their house was filled with smiles and laughter And they were happy ever after. || =The Pig= In England once there lived a big And wonderfully clever pig. To everybody it was plain That Piggy had a massive brain. He worked out sums inside his head, There was no book he hadn't read. He knew what made an airplane fly, He knew how engines worked and why. He knew all this, but in the end One question drove him round the bend: He simply couldn't puzzle out What LIFE was really all about. What was the reason for his birth? Why was he placed upon this earth? His giant brain went round and round. Alas, no answer could be found. Till suddenly one wondrous night. All in a flash he saw the light. He jumped up like a ballet dancer And yelled, "By gum, I've got the answer!" "They want my bacon slice by slice "To sell at a tremendous price! "They want my tender juicy chops "To put in all the butcher's shops! "They want my pork to make a roast "And that's the part'll cost the most! "They want my sausages in strings! "They even want my chitterlings! "The butcher's shop! The carving knife! "That is the reason for my life!" Such thoughts as these are not designed To give a pig great piece of mind. Next morning, in comes Farmer Bland, A pail of pigswill in his hand, And piggy with a mighty roar, Bashes the farmer to the floor… Now comes the rather grizzly bit So let's not make too much of it, Except that you must understand That Piggy did eat Farmer Bland, He ate him up from head to toe, Chewing the pieces nice and slow. It took an hour to reach the feet, Because there was so much to eat, And when he finished, Pig, of course, Felt absolutely no remorse. Slowly he scratched his brainy head And with a little smile he said, "I had a fairly powerful hunch "That he might have me for his lunch. "And so, because I feared the worst, "I thought I'd better eat him first."